State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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