apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Randomize
