Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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