I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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