The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
