What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
