Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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