My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
