I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
