I just threw up on my dentist
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
