my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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