the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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