I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize