Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
