His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
