Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
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