is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
