I got chris browned last night
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
