she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
