So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
