return my video game
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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