There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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