And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
