I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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