I look better un-naked...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
