Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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