I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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