i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
