Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
