My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
