peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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