and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
