It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I am one with the molecules
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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