Apparently you make a good broom.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
