I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
