Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
