covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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