my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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