I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I am one with the molecules
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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