He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Randomize
