I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize