Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
