Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
We got so high we made milksteak
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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