dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
