Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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