he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
