never play flip cup with pint glasses
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
