theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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