No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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