Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
