i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
