This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize