it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
