apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Watching her eat just hurts me
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
