she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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