I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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