A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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