yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
