is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize
