Where did you get a picture of my penis
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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