Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
