He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
