Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
