I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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