there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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