I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
