She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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