I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
