Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
