Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
