Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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