Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
