we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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