Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
